I HAVE RETURNED!

After a few weeks of silence, im gonna try and get back on the saddle. I was in the middle of a big move and numerous family issues came up, but hopefully now I can finally focus the website. Thanks to the 10 people who actually read my handful of articles so far, and if this is your first time here. Welcome.

Godzilla: King Of Monsters was ROYALLY disappointing

The most run-of-mill blockbuster Ive seen in a longtime

I’m gonna be honest and state that my expectations for this movie weren’t high. I wasn’t expecting a beautifully choreographed action movie, and I wasn’t expecting thought provoking drama. I just wanted a fun, and maybe a bit goofy monster movie. And Full disclosure I came into viewing of this…product….slightly tipsy. Everything was set up for this to be a fun night.

Fun was nowhere to be found.

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mood for this movie

I have never seen a movie that was this bloated and yet so shallow in a long time. The movie hits you over the head with so much exposition and world building, all for it to not amount to ANYTHING. By the time the actual monsters do show up, I couldn’t care less about what was going on. Unfocused is the best way to describe it.

Lets get what little good there was out of the way first.

  1. The movie itself looks good. Godzilla and other the titans that appear in the movie have weight to them and the scenes where they each make first appearance are handled well enough. The best looking being Mothra, who in my opinon, the movie should have focused on. Mothra arguably has the most breathtaking scenes in the movie.
  2. Ken Watanabe, who plays Dr. Ishirō Serizawa, gives the best performance in the entire movie. His character is an earnest scientist who just wants the titans are misunderstood creatures, that could benefit mankind, instead of destroying it. Its clear that Watanabe put the most effort into his role, because everyone else looks like their just going through the motions. Why he wasn’t the main character in boggles the mind.

Now to talk about everything else that was awful. The plot, and characters.

The plot is convoluted for absolutely no reason. It has so many characters and plot devices stuffed into it, none of which you actually care about. It wants you care about the main character saving his idiot wife and daughter. It wants you like all of these quirky scientists and soldiers, who all feel they were ripped from a cheesy blockbuster from the 90s. The movie focused on the human element so much, and dumped exposition to such a gross degree, that it drained all the excitement from my body. When the fighting between the monsters actually started I couldn’t care less. THE MAIN THING I WAS THERE TO SEE WAS ROBBED FROM ME.

The main human villain in the film is as generic as they come. So much, that the movie actually forget about him by the time climax arrives! Its honestly hilarious. Theres a little twist near the middle of movie, revealing that a main character was helping the bad guys all along. But its so poorly though out, that it boggles the mind as to why it was even filmed in the first place.

One excuse Ive heard for this movie was “oh its supposed to be all about the action and spectacle, who cares that the plot is bad?”. First of all, the actual battles themselves are OK at best, its nothing we haven’t seen before in similar movies like Pacific Rim or Transformers; just CGI models fighting each other. The awe of CGI action is wearing off, and this movie has only accelerated that for me. Second of all, and I cant stress this enough: Good writing and Good characters give purpose to the action. If the writing doesn’t hold, and the action is just so-so, what exactly is supposed to keep you invested? Thats just asking for me to fall asleep in the theater.

At the end of the day, Godzilla King of Monsters wasn’t the worst Ive ever seen. But it is definitely up there with one of the most baffling and most cliche. Everything about it makes me believe it was cynically written a board room, only trying to satisfy the widest possible audience. And when you to try please everybody, you end up pleasing no one.

RocketMan is the perfect movie to celebrate Pride Month

I left my viewing of “Rocketman” smiling ear to ear.

For the last few months Ive been watching many amazing movies; old and new. But I had come realize over the last few weeks, that a great number of them were either incredibly DARK or ended on slightly nihilistic note. Theres nothing at all wrong with a film that deals with morally bankrupt charterers, in fact some of my favorite films include : Reservoir Dogs, American Beauty, The Master, etc.

But to be blunt. Some of the best films Ive ever seen, are kinda downers.

Rocketman changes that tune ( pun intended), by being great biopic that, while not shying away from the darkest parts of Sir Elton Johns early life ( sex,drugs and Rock n Roll), it doesn’t wallow in darkness or cynicism. Instead it chooses to focus on a story of perseverance, neglectful childhoods , and most importantly, finding self-worth in a truly toxic environment.

The film opens with Elton John (played by Taron Egort) dressed in a bright orange devil suit storming down a corridor. As the song “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” plays, we come to find out that Elton is not rushing to perform to adoring fans, but instead has come to rehab center to seek help and explain the events of his life that have led to this very moment. As Elton tells his story, he also physically relives it, with the musical number “The Bitch is Back” taking him back to his childhood.

From there we experience the fantasy-like odyssey that is Elton’s life. Beginning with him discovering his close-to-genius talent with the piano, while dealing with his callous and unloving parents, who seem to see him as an annoyance. Then we go onto his start into pop stardom; meeting his longtime collaborator and friend Bernie Taupin, being discovered by a label and impressing American audiences with his voice and showmanship. Things seem to be going well for Elton.

However with all this success is going on, we truly see and feel how lonely Elton is through all of this. Struggling with sexual identity, afraid to open himself to anyone except his friend Bernie, who is immeadiatly accepting of his friends struggles. Coupled with the baggage of having horrible parents and only feeling genuine from a very small group of people, the film portrays Elton John as figure constantly seeking approval and love, while also becoming more and more flamboyant with his costumes. As his success increases, so does his insecurity and reliance on drugs and alcohol. This is all further stressed by the arrival of John Reid, who becomes Elton’s manager and lover. On the service John is suave and intelligent, but as time goes on we see how truly manipulative and emotionally damaging he really is.

Remember when I said this movie wasn’t depressing?

However through all these trials and traumatic emotional episodes, Rocketman tells a story of redemption and self-care. The classic theme that “all that glitters is not gold”, is used exceptionally well here and that before seeking love and approval from other people, one must first love themselves. All of this beautifully told through great musical numbers, my favorites being “Honkey Cat” and “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road“. All of actors seem to be loving their roles and play their parts with humor and emotional weight.

The film isn’t perfect though. Some of the writing is VERY corny ,a little too on the nose , and it doesn’t help the story starts to drag near the end. Also, while the movie doesn’t shy away from the problematic parts of Elton Johns personality, It still felt like some punches were pulled in reference to Elton infamous anger issues and temper tantrums. If the film was any more hokey, it might feel like a vanity project.

But what truly makes Rocketman special is its never-say-die attitude and optimism, combined with breathtaking cinematography and documentary-level eye for detail; with all of Elton’s famous stage costumes and mannerisms captured on screen.

I had a blast watching Rocketman. This biopic is a hyperactive musical that’s brimming with life and tongue-in-cheek creativity, that also doesn’t try to look away from or censor some of the darker and explicit aspects of the aging Pop-stars life.

7.5 out 10

Slacker News: “CYBORG JOHN WICK????????”Keanu Reeves to appear CYBERPUNK 2077 video game (release date:2020)

The John Wick Star and release date revealed at E3.

Cyberpunk 2077 has revealed a little bit of its grimy sci-fi story, most notably that it will start the perpetually youthful Keanu Reeves, star of John Wick and Bill & Ted. Check out the cinematic trailer above. 

Reeves also came out on stage to tell us the release date. Cyberpunk 2077 is due out on April 16, 2020. Getting Keanu Reeves to announce your game’s release date is, I’m sure we can all agree, a strong move. 

The trailer takes place after the events shown off in last year’s gameplay reveal, with V—a man this time—returning to his big shot employer to get his reward. Through a flashback, we find out his buddy was killed during the job, and V almost joins him.”

Source:https://www.pcgamer.com/cyberpunk-2077-release-date/

SLACKER NEWS: A magic 8 Ball Horror Movie is being made by Mattel and Blumhouse?

Integrity has left the chat

Who asked for this??? Seriously?

Apparently the geniuses over at Blumhouse and Mattel still want to ride the current wave of ironic horror movies based on children’s games and toys.

A movie centered on the fortune-telling toy, which dates back to the 1950s, is being developed by Mattel Films and Blumhouse Productions. “Fantasy Island” director Jeff Wadlow is attached to helm and will script with collaborators Jillian Jacobs and Chris Roach.

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Robbie Brenner, head of Mattel Films, said, “There are no partners better suited to tell the Magic 8 Ball story in collaboration with Mattel Films than Jeff Wadlow and Blumhouse Productions, whose unique approach to the thriller genre has captivated audiences worldwide and has gained widespread accolades.”

Just to point out, Jeff Wadlow directed the terrible horror movie Truth or Dare, that came out a year ago to negative critical reception.

This movie will likely make a gazillion dollars……

Movie Review: The Clovehitch Killer

The Clovehitch killer is a deceptive, small scale, small town thriller.

At some point or another, we’ve all probably wondered what dark secrets our parents kept from us. A curiosity, an intrusive thought that you probably push out of your mind just as soon at it appears.

No child wants to think the worst of their parents. That something evil or twisted could be lurking beneath their loving smile. And most of us go our whole lives without even considering it.

But what if you had reason to? What if certain circumstances almost pushed you to find out what exactly is going on behind the scenes of your so called “perfect family”. What if everything you thought you knew, got flipped on its head?

The Clovehitch Killer, directed by Duncan Skiles, swan dives into those troubling questions. Shot with such care and patience, its probably one of the best thrillers of 2018. Definitely one of the best serial killer movies in a long while.

The film follows 16 year old Tyler Burnside (played by Charlie Plummer), a kindhearted, yet naive teenager who lives with his devout christian family in the town of Clarksville, Kentucky. The town is haunted by the legacy of The Clovehitch Killer, a serial killer who brutally strangled 10 female victims, before suddenly disappearing 10 years ago. Tyler participates in a boy scout troop, led by his father, Don Burnside (played by Dylan Mcdermott). Don seems like your typical christian small town dad. Friendly to fault, loving towards his wife and 2 children, working a blue collar job to bring home the bacon, stressing “honesty” and “family time”. The Burnside clan: Tyler, his father, his mother Cindy (played by Samantha Mathis), and his little sister look like a perfectly normal family.

But things start to take a turn, when on one night, Tyler sneaks out to meet his crush Amy. Before they start to do exactly what horny teenagers do, they find graphic bondage porn in his dads truck. This obliviously disgusts Amy, and immediately freaks out Tyler. Was this what his father was into? What else was his father hiding? This incident is the spark that ignites Tyler to find out what else his father was keeping from him.

The Clovehitch Killer is not just another run of mill thriller. Its a carefully filmed, slow-burn mystery. Its shot very minimalist and tight, with scenes lingering and allowing suspense to build. Never needing cheap jump scares or pointless action to keep watching. Just using great storytelling and bone-chilling imagery.

Charlie Plummer gives a very convincing performance as Tyler, The viewer is given an amazing sense of just how isolated and conflicted Tyler feels in this situation, never over-acting or just looking like some wooden lanky doll. He truly understands the character he’s playing and the situation hes in.

But the true star of this movie is Dylan Mcdermott, who pretty much blows everyone else out of water in comparison, giving a haunting performance. He somehow comes across as sincere and warm, while also coming across as skin-crawlingly deceptive. A man who could either be simply mis-understood, or genuinely sick in the head.

I love thrillers like this. Ones that actually try to grasp true human terror and tragedy. It dissects the veneer of small town life, and how you never truly know anyone, including those closest to you. What exactly do you do when a loved may have committed violent atrocities, and even more frightening to think about, how do you stop them?

I give The Clovehitch Killer an 9/10

*The movie is available on Hulu

Rated R

SLACKER NEWS: Tinder now letting users identify their sexual orientation

Just in time Pride month, Tinder is adding information and options about sexual orientation and gender identity to its profiles. The company has teamed up with GLAAD to roll out a new feature that will help users properly convey their identity.

Users can now simply go into their profile, tap on “orientation”, they can choose up to three terms that describe their sexual orientation. Those descriptions can either be private or public, but will likely be used to inform matches on the app.

Tinder has also updated the on-boarding experience for new users so that they can include their sexual orientation as soon as they sign up for the dating app.

Source: http://blog.Blog.gotinder.com/orientations/